Monday, January 5, 2009

Evil creatures

This is the sad tale of a quilter and three evil creatures determined to make her life a living hell. The first evil animal, below, goes by the innocent-sounding name of "Sophie." Looks sweet enough, right? Read on...

Today, as I was working away in my studio, I got a call from a large, well-known quilting catalog interested in carrying one of my patterns. Hurrah! I scurried from my studio to my office, which is at the other end of the house, switched phones, and answered questions from the very pleasant company representative.

We were just finishing up, and I was writing down the company address, when Sophie went nuts. "Woof! Woof! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!" So loud that I could not hear the man speaking on the other end of the phone. "I'm so sorry!" I shouted into the phone, running away from Sophie and the window, out of which I could see a couple walking a sweet looking, obedient, quiet Labrador. Dangerous trespassers, Sophie thought, apparently. "Woof! Woof! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!"

There was stunned silence on the other end of the phone. "Um... Wow, that's a really big dog," he said. No, actually she's a fairly small dog. She just has a really loud bark. Especially when the phone is a few feet from her mouth. We will see if the order actually comes through.

Here are the other two evil creatures, below. Awww, those darling kitties, all curled up together in the sun? What could they possibly do? Read on...

The black cat, aptly named "Trouble," has developed a habit of waking us up at about 4 or 5 in the morning because her kibbles are apparently stale. Never mind that my husband patiently fills up her bowl before bed, and makes sure that she is there to witness the event. Never mind that we are sound asleep, it is entirely dark outside, and her bowl is mounded high. The kibbles are stale, and new kibbles must be prepared. Immediately. Or else Trouble walks on our eye sockets.

The other cat, Max, is smart. Very, very smart. Too smart. And evil. He has decided that the important quilting project I am working on is actually a mat on which he must wipe his paws. Repeatedly. Especially after a trip to the litterbox, or outside in the mud after a rain. He is very sneaky, and can pounce up on my work space before I even hear or see him coming. He seems to think it is a wonderful game.

All evil creatures have been banished from the studio for the duration. I am engineering a soundproof studio with doors that lock.